It’s been two weeks since we picked up our 2 day old little boy from the hospital and the newborn, night-feeding, sleep-deprived fog has taken over. It’s different with a newborn and a 4 year old, because you can’t just “sleep when the baby sleeps.” And I’m sure all moms of more than one can relate to that.
My husband has really stepped it up in the simple fact that he has gotten up before me and brewed coffee every. single. morning. since the baby arrived. Hallelujah! He has literally been saving my life and sanity each morning! If that’s not love, I’m not sure what is! (I’m only half kidding.)
I sit here exhausted, depleted…but full. And as I put my heart out on the front lines…no armor or protection, I’m scared. I’m fearful. I’m nervous. I’m worried that I am setting myself up for heartache.
My flesh screams “No!! Protect yourself. Don’t get too attached! Keep your guard up.”
But Jesus. I’m reminded of him. What if he had said that? What if he had only halfheartedly pursued what God called him to do? What if he had searched for protection when he was called to love others sacrificially?
I have found myself in the last two weeks praying for more of Him and less of me. More of a Jesus-mindset and less of a me-mindset. Prayers that Jesus would fill me up so that there would be no more room left for me.
And what I mean by that is…I cannot do this on my own. I need God to carry me through. I need to LOVE this child well. And God is love. I need patience for my 4 year old bouncing off the walls as I rock the baby. And God is patience. I need kindness as I meet D’s birth mom. And God is kindness. I need a sacrificial heart. And Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice.
More of Him and less of me. It will give me more love, more patience, more kindness, and a sacrificial heart…because God is all of those things. It will remove my guards and walls and protection that I have selfishly placed around my heart…and in turn, set me up for heartache. But that’s okay.
I will have faith in God’s plan for my life…I will trust in His direction. Because God’s love is relentless, so mine will be, too.
Happy Friday, everyone!
His will, His way…