As I sit here this morning and ponder how this day will play out…my heart feels a familiar weight. A weight that is lifted with joy, but pulled down with sorrow…a weight that is lightened with a baby, but weighed down with brokenness. It’s a feeling I’ve felt before…different circumstances, but similar enough to bring back those same emotions.
Four years ago. A new baby…a time to rejoice…a heart full of joy and love. A quiet hospital room and empty arms…a void in my heart so big, an ocean could not fill it…only my baby. A new baby…a reminder of God’s miracles…the celebration of a new life. A sickness ending in a hysterectomy…a reminder of God’s plan, not mine…the grieving of lives that will never be carried and form in my absent womb. A perfect new baby…alongside a broken heart, unable to process all the emotions…a heart full of joy and love, sorrow and pain.
Today. A new foster baby…a time to rejoice…a heart full of excitement and joy. A birth mother’s empty arms…a pain in my heart too hard to process…I feel her void. A new foster baby…a reminder of God’s good and perfect timing, His sovereign plan and fulfilled promises. A birth mom headed home to an empty house…a reminder of the brokenness our world is soaked in, the darkness right here in our own backyards. A new foster baby…alongside a broken heart, a heart full of excitement, anticipation, and joy…sadness, confusion, and heartache.
We call it broken because it’s not how it’s supposed to be…it’s not how God designed it…His design has been broken…
But because of Jesus…because of His sacrificial love for us…we can be His hands and feet…we can hand over our sorrow, our pain, our heartache…we can sort through all the mess of this world and we can RISE UP and do something.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again today…we will be vulnerable. We will love him with a sacrificial love. We will love him and expect nothing in return. We will do this because Jesus does it for us every. single. day.
His will, His way…