When I was deadly ill in the hospital over two years ago…I honestly cannot remember praying. I was numb. It was such a dark time for me. And still, looking back today, it’s hard to put into words my feelings and mindset during that time.
Isn’t it awful that I cannot remember praying? I knew so many others were praying for me, but I don’t think I ever really prayed myself.
After the recent news of our failed transfer, I prayed…but I really didn’t know what to pray. I was speechless. I was dumbfounded really, and I couldn’t put words to my prayers. We had never lost a baby before. I could have never imagined how badly it would hurt. To mourn the loss of two children you had never met but were every bit a part of you.
Jessica shared a verse with me that her father-in-law had shared with her…
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. – Romans 8:26
I had come across the verse before. I remembered my mom had said when I was in my emergency surgery, she prayed so hard, but really didn’t have words to pray. She knew the Lord heard her prayers and her requests because the Holy Spirit will pray for us when we just don’t have the strength or words to do it. God knows our heart. This is the verse that reassures of us of this in the Bible. It is comforting to know that even in the midst of our despair…when we are at a loss for words with God…He still hears us.
Since sharing our disappointing news, many people have offered their condolences and some have shared that they don’t really know quite what to say. Believe me, I understand that. I don’t know what to say either. But we have felt your prayers.
Matthew 18:19-20 says,
“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
We have felt the peace from God that you have been asking for for us. We have felt the mending of our hearts. We have felt the comfort. We have felt Him here with us, holding our hands, and guiding our next steps. And we thank you for your continued prayers.
Prayer warriors, would you join us a bit longer? Will you please continue to pray for us and with us? Will you go boldly to the throne with us at each and every milestone through this process as we “move forward”?
Here are the facts…
We have decided to “move forward”. At first…I wasn’t quite sure what that would look like. I didn’t want to “move on”…I didn’t know how we could “move on.” So we’re “moving forward.”
Pray for me, JJ, Jessica and Justin. Pray that God will continue to guide us through this journey and down the paths He has picked for us. Pray that he will continue to reassure us. Pray that we will set our eyes upon Him…that we will have an undying faith in Him and His plan. Pray for our families, whose hearts are just as much invested in this journey as ours our. Pray that they would be comforted by God’s grace and His bigger, better plan for us as they endure another journey down this path, as well.
Jessica begins meds again on Saturday. She will start an entire new round of injections, pills, patches, blood work, appointments, etc.
Pray for Jessica. Pray that her body will react to the meds as it is supposed to and that she will receive good reports at all of her appointments. Pray that the meds will be kind to her body and that from Saturday until transfer will go quickly for her.
We have one embryo left. Our last, little baby is the lowest “graded” embryo of our 3. Our doctor assured us that the grade of an embryo’s physical appearance does not determine its viability. Our 2 higher graded embryos turned out to be unhealthy, yet looked great phsyically. I know that is confusing…welcome to the world of surrogacy.
Pray for our baby…pray for its health and that it will find a comfy spot in Jessica’s womb and spend enough time there to bring him or her to full term and be born a healthy baby. Pray that we will not let our first failed transfer rock the faith that we have in this one.
Our chances of success will drop to 30% since we will be transferring only one embryo.
Pray that we will not let medical statistics rule our thoughts and that we will instead grow in our faith, knowing that our God is a God of miracles, a God not confined by statistics set in a laboratory.
We are all hopeful, yet guarded. We all have faith, but is it unfailing?
Pray. Pray. Pray. Please pray that we will have faith. Pray that we will not be defeated. Pray that we will have the strength to be in constant prayer. Pray that we will use this journey for God’s glory and that we will reach others through our faith and following.
Jessica has appointments on October 16th and 30th leading up to the transfer. Please pray for those. Our transfer is scheduled for November 6th. Please pray for us each time you think of us.
I recently read a devotional by Proverbs 31 Ministries talking about prayer and praying for one another. It referenced Ephesians 6:18…
“Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.”
The devotional went on to say…
At first glance such a suggestion may seem overwhelming, but Paul was simply saying: pray prayer upon prayer. Whether we pray individually or in a group, aloud or silently, kneeling or standing, pray.
The prayer doesn’t have to be fancy with big church words like thee and thou. Paul’s message is just pray.
Prayer connects our heart with another’s in a way we can’t explain. Through prayer, we share in the weight of the burden and are able to sympathize with circumstances the person is facing. Our hearts join together in prayer and create an inexplicable bond of love.
Prayer invites God into the situation. As we pray, our faith grows. Our growing faith moves God to act on our behalf and work all things together for our good.
Prayer also unites our heart with God. This unique union prompts and enables us to follow Paul’s instruction concerning prayer.
“Lord, Thank you. Thank you for the friends and family that you have placed in my, JJ, Jessica, and Justin’s lives who are praying for us. Thank you for answering their prayers and providing us peace and comfort. I pray, Lord, that you would bless each and every one of them for their prayerful hearts and devotion to their brothers and sisters through Christ. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Thank you and God bless,
*Read the entire devotional mentioned above at: http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/whos-texting-me-this-late/#sthash.q7dE16lY.dpuf