What does surrogacy look like to a Christian?

I don’t think there is any simple answer to that question. To be honest, my husband and I struggled with the idea of it when we were first introduced to it. Nothing about it was normal…nothing about creating our future child(ren) was romantic…we could no longer just stop trying not to get pregnant to try for another child. Everything would have to be planned to a T and organized from start to finish with the help of modern day medicine.

Is that God’s plan?
Is that okay with Him?
Are we playing with nature?
Are we going against what God has planned for us?

All these questions swarmed through our thoughts before coming to the prayerful decision that we would move forward with IVF and someday use a gestational surrogate to have another child. Now when I say we came to the decision…it was actually more like God flung the door WIDE open with red blinking arrows and a giant sign that said “This way to my plan for you!” And we faithfully followed Him!

That decision has led us to where we are today…just weeks away from transfer day!

Living this new life of infertility and being in a “surrogacy journey” has exposed me to a whole new world I never knew existed. Recently, I have come across a couple articles written by other Christians who don’t believe surrogacy or medical interventions for infertility in general is the path Christians should be walking.

So what does surrogacy look like to Christians?

Well…

One person writes, “They’re [children] meant to be received by parents as a gift, not manufactured in a test-tube and implanted in a third-party when God’s timing and will doesn’t align with our own.”

And, “Yet, turning to unnatural and third-party solutions, which violate God’s design, is simply not our prerogative. It usurps God’s authority – and may also reveal a lack of trust in God’s goodness and sovereignty.”

Another writes that it is transforming our marital bed into a site of manufacture.

I think you can get the point of how people can be ugly.

Christians can be ugly.

Judging people is UGLY. And those three quotes above…they have judgement written all over them.

We are told time and time again throughout the Bible that we are not to judge others. And James 4:12 reminds us that there is only ONE judge…

“There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

Who are you to judge your neighbor? Who are you to judge those walking the hard road of infertility? Who are you to judge where God has led them? Who are you to judge what doors they have followed Him through?

And those quotes are hurtful. I feel judged.

BUT!

REFUSE to let them steal my joy.

I believe in God and I believe in His sovereignty. I have faith in Him and His power. And I am confident that His will is going to be done in our story and in anyone else’s story…whether you seek assistance for infertility issues or you don’t. No matter what you do or didn’t do as a result of infertility, God’s will will be done if you are first seeking Him in prayer and listening for His guidance in your decisions.

Photo: Today and every day!

 

He is THAT big.

He is THAT much in control.

And He continues to reassure me that this is His path for us.

Just after I was feeling hurt by these articles, I came across another…by another Christian talking specifically about surrogacy and deciding if its right for you. This one quotes a Reverend…

Truly Right Deeds and Decisions Can Only Come from a Heart of Faith Guided by the Word of God

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

The point to be made with this principle is that while we often want to know WHAT SHOULD I DO or HOW SHOULD I DO IT the real question is to look at each option and to ask WHY SHOULD I DO IT. Specifically, am I motivated by faith in God which reflects itself in a desire to do his will? Can I do this and fulfill God’s will to do all things to his glory?”

All glory be to God!

And thank you to those who have learned of our journey with an open and non-judging heart. We love you for the support you have given us and give us each day!

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “What does surrogacy look like to a Christian?

  1. As someone who has also had a long and difficult struggle with infertility, to the point where I would say that aside from death of loved ones, it is singlehandedly the most heartbreaking thing i have ever had to cope with, I have to say I respectfully but wholeheartedly disagree. Babies are created and discarded through ivf, and I can’t see how God would ever be on board with that. I know adoption can be a difficult thing to consider for many reasons… But it is truly a beautiful thing, and while it will never be the same experience as carrying and giving birth to your own child, in the end it’s not about us anyway…but loving God’s children and providing a loving home to them so they might experience His love that guides them to Heaven. And I say none of this to judge you, I don’t know your heart. But I can’t not say something when I see ivf or surrogacy being Christianized to others.

  2. Hi Angie,

    Although it seems you were trying to share your opinion without sounding too judgmental, it is still rather hurtful…and exactly what my posting was about – Christians judging other Christians on a topic so sensitive without knowing their heart and how God has led them.

    I can’t say for sure, but it doesn’t seem that you read any more of my blog than just my recent posting. If you had, you’d know that we have only 3 embryos and you’d also know that my husband and I already have one daughter, whom I carried and delivered. I know what it is like to carry and deliver my own child, so it’s truly not about us (as you said).

    As you also said, you don’t know my heart. You don’t know know the prayers that led my husband and I to this point. And you do not know how God has led us to this point, the doors that he has more than obviously flung open for us. We do not have any embryos that we have disposed of or will dispose of. We have only 3. We will continue on this journey until we have given all 3 embryos the same chance for life.

    I agree with your viewpoint of God not being on board with embryos being created and discarded through IVF. That is what my husband and I struggled with at the beginning…we did not want to have an amount so big that we could never realistically use all of them. However, something you may not realize is that through IVF, you can tell your doctor that you do not want them to create any more than “x amount” of embryos so that you are not in that boat. There are ways, LIFE-HONORING ways, to morally and ethically use IVF. There is also a Christian organization called Snowflakes Embryo Adoption in which infertile couples can adopt embryos from couples who have completed IVF treatments and have remaining embryos (rather than destroying them).

    It sounds as though you chose the route of adoption through your struggles with infertility or perhaps you do not have any children at all. Either way…as you said infertility is heartbreaking. But I am confident that however/whatever your life is now…it is God’s will. Just as His will will be done for my family and any other family that seeks His guidance in their decisions and uses their story to glorify Him. I encourage you to read the rest of my blog before being so quick to judge our story based on one posting.

    God Bless,
    Lisa

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